I love being a Missourian reporter. My work means I get to interact with people from all sorts of backgrounds that I wouldn’t meet on the day-to-day.Yet I have been struggling with balancing reporting with my other tasks. The following text explains why, and is meant not as a complaint, but as an exploration of my thoughts as of late.

I have per week, at least four readings per each of my other two classes. Each takes at least 45 minutes to an hour for me to adequately internalize their arguments and be ready to discuss them in a seminar (which I’m graded on). I also have to pen well-thought out responses and talking points. Frequently, it takes much longer than an hour, depending on the reading. For my TA position, I have to take a few hours per week to grade assignments, and do readings for that. I have two hours of office hours.

Yet in this program there are many assignments that aren’t tied to a weekly schedule: prepare a 7450 multimedia presentation, do a deep dive on readings to prepare reading notes for a class, research and write an essay on theory, prepare for the collaborative research paper we’re going to write in one of my classes, research and write an in-class presentation for another class, have meetings with professors to suss out the subject of my project or thesis and plan out my future courseload, do a biweekly GA shift, make consistent progress on stories, and more.

Then there are things outside of class: engage in extracurricular opportunities like student innovation competitions or workshops (they often lead to just as much learning as in-class opportunities), maintain healthy relationships with my parents and girlfriend, keep in touch with friends, eat healthily, budget appropriately, work out at least once or twice a week (at minimum), find time to prepare meals for the week, and somehow find time to unwind.

I have been using the programs I cited a few weeks ago to make all of this easier, but the fact is that none of it has been made easier, just more organized. Frequently, by mid-week, I find myself emotionally drained. I believe this is largely due to the expectations of a graduate program, especially one at a top J-school.

Regardless, it results in a feeling of constantly being underwater, and not necessarily knowing how to get to the surface. I’ve pushed back against my workload, but it sometimes ends up in me being more underwater than I was at the start, having inappropriately used my time when there were more pressing concerns. When I do actually pick the most urgent tasks to tackle, they end up taking up so much time that I find myself falling asleep at my desk with a to-do list that has maybe one thing checked off. It’s really god damn hard, is what I’m saying, and I’m doing my best to stay afloat, but I wish I could find a way to feel more confident about the time I put into all of it.